Anyone need a new word?

The other night, I had a someone unsettling dream about a violent rivalry between neighbours. At one point, one was standing on a height and the other was climbing a steep wall to get at him. He had both hands over the top and was trying to hoist himself up. His opponent called this an attempt at "gleasing" (rhymes with "sleazing", not "leasing").

Upon waking, I resolved to look this up in the OED to see if it existed, but I didn't get around to it until today. glease is a variant spelling of the obsolete/dialectal verb glace meaning "To glance, glide; to move lightly or quickly". That's half the question answered; the other half is, is there already a verb in place which denotes the action described above? I'm especially looking at you spelunkers and rock climbers, who have verbs for all sorts of movements the rest of us don't perform often enough to name (like "chimneying").

Trafon technology comes of age

Years ago, an acquaintance of mine and I discovered "trafons". These were the theoretical faster-than-light subatomic particles that caused, for example, the far edge of an infinitely long platter to become instantly trafe if you touched the near edge with a piece of ham.

Unfortunately, we were unable to come up with any practical applications for trafon technology. We should have known at the time that work was afoot at secret labs in the Jewish Homeland to perfect it and deploy it in defence of the state. The BBC reveals that Israeli police are to hang bags of pig lard on buses and in other public places to deter would-be Muslim suicide bombers.

Since a Muslim splattered with lardons (particles formed when trafons bond to ordinary subatomic matter) just before dying does not not get admitted to the paradise, spend eternity comforted by the houris, pass Go, or collect $200, the idea is that this will cut down on suicide attacks. One has to wonder, what kind of focus group research did they do before announcing this programme?

Of course, it's hard to see how having a big bag of lard hanging in a bus all day in the stifling heat of a Jerusalem summer wouldn't be a deterrent against bus riding by anyone.