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muckefuckIn a slightly different world, I'm beginning today a bit underslept but very satisfied with myself and looking forward to a rendezvous after work. In this one, unfortunately, I'm fighting off a crisis of confidence and dreading more disappointment.
The reason why is really infuriating. About a month ago, I ran into a guy at SoFo. Five years before, I'd tried to hook up with him and got jilted because of a boyfriend he didn't bother to tell me about. Well, the boyfriend is history and he's feeling frisky, so we finally hooked up about a week later. Since then he's been in my DMs sending me nudes, but I held out for a proper date. That date was supposed to have been last night. Tuesday night, I texted him to confirm. I heard nothing back until about 8 this morning when he sent me a half-assed apology coupled with same lame excuse about thinking he'd replied when he hadn't and then getting dead drunk last night (an unsatisfactory explanation which raises more questions than it answers).
I'm pissed, of course, and pissed that I'm pissed. This isn't even a guy I like that much--I was honestly a bit relieved to be able to stay in and do laundry. But coming, as it is, during a dry spell where Hump Day is ignoring me again and Miller Park still hasn't set a date for our next rendezvous, it's yet another blow to my confidence and it takes energy not to start spiralling. I just don't need this.
Most frustratingly, it's distracting me from anticipation of what should be a lovely evening. This is also not someone I'm that into--he has a boyfriend and, based on our previous time together, I've even categorised him as a "bad lay"--but we have common interests and he's been texting me regularly about how much he's looking forward to going for sushi with me. I'd like to respond in kind, but at the back of my mind there's this fear that this will fall through too. Which normally would be NBD, but coming on top of everything else it would really deflate me.
The reason why is really infuriating. About a month ago, I ran into a guy at SoFo. Five years before, I'd tried to hook up with him and got jilted because of a boyfriend he didn't bother to tell me about. Well, the boyfriend is history and he's feeling frisky, so we finally hooked up about a week later. Since then he's been in my DMs sending me nudes, but I held out for a proper date. That date was supposed to have been last night. Tuesday night, I texted him to confirm. I heard nothing back until about 8 this morning when he sent me a half-assed apology coupled with same lame excuse about thinking he'd replied when he hadn't and then getting dead drunk last night (an unsatisfactory explanation which raises more questions than it answers).
I'm pissed, of course, and pissed that I'm pissed. This isn't even a guy I like that much--I was honestly a bit relieved to be able to stay in and do laundry. But coming, as it is, during a dry spell where Hump Day is ignoring me again and Miller Park still hasn't set a date for our next rendezvous, it's yet another blow to my confidence and it takes energy not to start spiralling. I just don't need this.
Most frustratingly, it's distracting me from anticipation of what should be a lovely evening. This is also not someone I'm that into--he has a boyfriend and, based on our previous time together, I've even categorised him as a "bad lay"--but we have common interests and he's been texting me regularly about how much he's looking forward to going for sushi with me. I'd like to respond in kind, but at the back of my mind there's this fear that this will fall through too. Which normally would be NBD, but coming on top of everything else it would really deflate me.
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