Jan. 3rd, 2023 11:37 am
New year, new false start
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muckefuckSo I let BB have it.
The last straw came three weeks ago. He'd confided in me about a bad trick and I was checking in on him, only to find that he'd invited the same guy over again. I encouraged him to cancel but he said he felt obligated to follow through. "You cancel on me the same day all the time," I told him. "You did it twice just last week." "Yeah," he said, "but you're used to it."
I don't have to tell you how spitting mad I was at that.
I spent a week having angry conversations in my head, dusting off every unresolved grievance from the tumultuous past year of our failed romance and stottering friendship. I knew there was no point in initiating a conversation he wasn't interesting in having, so I just ignored him and focused on other things. (It's not like I don't have enough social drama without him, but that's another post.) About a week later, he texted asking if I was in St Louis for the holidays and I just replied "No." A couple hours later, I followed up asking why he wanted to know and he admitted he thought "everyone was mad at me", so I told him, you got that right.
In the meantime, I'd had a conversation with the best of our mutual friends [hereafter OMF) which turned into an hour-long vent about him. The solidarity honestly made me feel much better. We're his only two good friends in Chicago and--as self-isolating as he is--I honestly don't think he can get by without anyone to hang with. So when he replied that he "didn't care" about my reasons for being upset with him, I knew it was a bluff.
That bluff got called on--of all occasions--New Year's Eve.clintswan offered to make me his plus-one to bear party I'd known about for a while but never gotten an invite to, but in the meantime I'd gotten to know the host so I just DMed him. He asked if I had anyone else I wanted to bring and I gave him the names of OMF and another good friend--but not BB.
On New Year's Eve Eve, Clint and I got talking about our plans and he felt bad that BB was getting left out (thus solidifying his status as the Nicest of All of Us), so he asked the host to add him as his plus-one. On the day of the event, though, he didn't feel up to coming, so BB arrived solo. I took a deep breath and just plunged into socialising. (Although attendance was down over previous years, there were still plenty of folks there I wanted to chat with.) He sat next to OMF and they got to catching up.
Sometime after eleven (I was on my fourth whiskey at that point), I was making a slut lap when OMF grabbed me and said, "You two need to talk." I said, "He doesn't care what I have to say" in full earshot of BB and walked away.
But of course he did and caught up with me outside. He asked me to tell him what I was mad about and everything came spilling out. Honestly, I don't recall all the details of the conversation. I definitely remember throwing some of his snarky comments back at him, only to have him defend them with "That was just a joke!" "Everything's a joke to you, BB!" I roared. "I don't know what you expect of me," he pleaded. I reminded him that I'd been quite explicit about that, that my demands had been modest and reasonable and clearly-phrased but that he'd not only denied them but delighted in doing so. "Don't make me out to be some kind of callous person," he begged. "That's the way it comes across though," I said. "I have RECEIPTS!"
Breaking down the exchange for a good friend yesterday, I told him it was very unburdening. We talked about the prospects of something good coming out of this and I said there were positive signs. First was the fact that he stayed and heard me out. We were on the street, nothing would have been easier for him to do than to walk away, but he didn't. He did leave the party shortly after that (despite it being only about 20 minutes to midnight) but he said goodbye to us all properly and even gave me a kiss on the lips (something he hadn't done in a year). Then during the ride home, he texted me a screenshot of a calendar event that said "Da hangout" as a goodwill gesture.
That's not until Saturday. Tomorrow he sees his therapist and there are no prizes for guessing what the #1 topi of conversation will be. I'm planning on checking in; I suppose there's always the chance I'll get cast as the villain and he'll renege, but I don't really expect that to happen. We saw each other on New Year's Day at a get-together that I'd invited him to before all this went down (and which, frankly, I was surprised he came to) and things seemed pretty normal. Time will be the real test, of course. I'm doing my best to retain an open mind without getting my hopes up too high.
The last straw came three weeks ago. He'd confided in me about a bad trick and I was checking in on him, only to find that he'd invited the same guy over again. I encouraged him to cancel but he said he felt obligated to follow through. "You cancel on me the same day all the time," I told him. "You did it twice just last week." "Yeah," he said, "but you're used to it."
I don't have to tell you how spitting mad I was at that.
I spent a week having angry conversations in my head, dusting off every unresolved grievance from the tumultuous past year of our failed romance and stottering friendship. I knew there was no point in initiating a conversation he wasn't interesting in having, so I just ignored him and focused on other things. (It's not like I don't have enough social drama without him, but that's another post.) About a week later, he texted asking if I was in St Louis for the holidays and I just replied "No." A couple hours later, I followed up asking why he wanted to know and he admitted he thought "everyone was mad at me", so I told him, you got that right.
In the meantime, I'd had a conversation with the best of our mutual friends [hereafter OMF) which turned into an hour-long vent about him. The solidarity honestly made me feel much better. We're his only two good friends in Chicago and--as self-isolating as he is--I honestly don't think he can get by without anyone to hang with. So when he replied that he "didn't care" about my reasons for being upset with him, I knew it was a bluff.
That bluff got called on--of all occasions--New Year's Eve.
clintswan offered to make me his plus-one to bear party I'd known about for a while but never gotten an invite to, but in the meantime I'd gotten to know the host so I just DMed him. He asked if I had anyone else I wanted to bring and I gave him the names of OMF and another good friend--but not BB.On New Year's Eve Eve, Clint and I got talking about our plans and he felt bad that BB was getting left out (thus solidifying his status as the Nicest of All of Us), so he asked the host to add him as his plus-one. On the day of the event, though, he didn't feel up to coming, so BB arrived solo. I took a deep breath and just plunged into socialising. (Although attendance was down over previous years, there were still plenty of folks there I wanted to chat with.) He sat next to OMF and they got to catching up.
Sometime after eleven (I was on my fourth whiskey at that point), I was making a slut lap when OMF grabbed me and said, "You two need to talk." I said, "He doesn't care what I have to say" in full earshot of BB and walked away.
But of course he did and caught up with me outside. He asked me to tell him what I was mad about and everything came spilling out. Honestly, I don't recall all the details of the conversation. I definitely remember throwing some of his snarky comments back at him, only to have him defend them with "That was just a joke!" "Everything's a joke to you, BB!" I roared. "I don't know what you expect of me," he pleaded. I reminded him that I'd been quite explicit about that, that my demands had been modest and reasonable and clearly-phrased but that he'd not only denied them but delighted in doing so. "Don't make me out to be some kind of callous person," he begged. "That's the way it comes across though," I said. "I have RECEIPTS!"
Breaking down the exchange for a good friend yesterday, I told him it was very unburdening. We talked about the prospects of something good coming out of this and I said there were positive signs. First was the fact that he stayed and heard me out. We were on the street, nothing would have been easier for him to do than to walk away, but he didn't. He did leave the party shortly after that (despite it being only about 20 minutes to midnight) but he said goodbye to us all properly and even gave me a kiss on the lips (something he hadn't done in a year). Then during the ride home, he texted me a screenshot of a calendar event that said "Da hangout" as a goodwill gesture.
That's not until Saturday. Tomorrow he sees his therapist and there are no prizes for guessing what the #1 topi of conversation will be. I'm planning on checking in; I suppose there's always the chance I'll get cast as the villain and he'll renege, but I don't really expect that to happen. We saw each other on New Year's Day at a get-together that I'd invited him to before all this went down (and which, frankly, I was surprised he came to) and things seemed pretty normal. Time will be the real test, of course. I'm doing my best to retain an open mind without getting my hopes up too high.
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