i think you have been telling yourself (and us, but mainly yourself) that you don't really think of him as a "friend" ever since you began the attempt to think of him as a friend. i am not sure if he's the rough equivalent of an ex where you didn't want the breakup, or that person who says they want to just be friends and you agree but never stop hoping that they will change their mind. that's why the time apart seems like it would be so helpful--a chance to do the actual recalibration since you haven't actually arrived at the place you need to be to be content with being a friend. plus, as i sort of was saying in my first comment, i'm not sure that even if you were totally on board for just being friends, BB can be a reliable friend.
i know that's not the outcome that you want--that you still want whatever time with BB he's willing to give you, but it sounds like it's hurting. the sharp fast pain of cutting it off at least for a while is no fun, but it might be easier to heal and, as you say, spend time with people who are better friends to you.
(i also know that i'm saying a lot for a person who doesn't know you all that well, but you talk so eloquently about how you're feeling that i think i'm reflecting back conclusions you've already arrived at but where it might help to hear them as though they were external to you.)
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momijizukamori
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Date: 2022-06-01 02:56 pm (UTC)i know that's not the outcome that you want--that you still want whatever time with BB he's willing to give you, but it sounds like it's hurting. the sharp fast pain of cutting it off at least for a while is no fun, but it might be easier to heal and, as you say, spend time with people who are better friends to you.
(i also know that i'm saying a lot for a person who doesn't know you all that well, but you talk so eloquently about how you're feeling that i think i'm reflecting back conclusions you've already arrived at but where it might help to hear them as though they were external to you.)