Retreat

[muckefuck]

I meant for today to be a day of accomplishment that would balance out yesterday's day of sluggery, but it didn't happen. I did finish another book, another classic film, and another load of laundry, but I didn't leave the house or speak to anyone besides my spouse. Tomorrow for sure! It's difficult to say for sure what's making me so listless. Certainly I'm doing a lot of brooding on account of monshu. Last fall's symptoms have returned as if he'd never had the debulking or the Sandostatin. Every time I hear him moaning in the bathroom, I die a little inside.

On this date last year, I wrote:

I just want to get away for a while. monshu and I haven't been on a vacation together since Toronto three years ago, and my last adventure without him was Arkansas with Dad around this time last year. I was really hoping to get abroad again--it's going on a decade since that happened--but maybe next year. (Pretty please next year?)

Well, it won't be this year either, not unless the oncologist has some other solution up his sleeve. And I fear if not this year, then maybe not ever. I don't want to think that way, but what can I do about it?