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Family wedding dilemma
Yesterday, a slim personal note slipped in with the typical circulars and credit card solicitations in my mailbox. Since I never learned the surname of my stepbrother's fiancée, I was at first mystified. The note looked too humble to be a wedding invite in any case.
But that's what it is and it's left me in a bind. We've known for almost a year that they were planning to get married in California this summer and Monshu and I had started planning a vacation around it. Silly me, I had just assumed he would be invited. I've been with him almost four years and the three of them seemed to get along well during the family vacation last year. But his name wasn't on the envelope.
Strictly speaking, of course, this means he isn't invited. However, plenty of couples use formulations like "and guest" to avoid having to go through the trouble of learning who everyone's s.o.'s are. They didn't. So now I'm left with the equally unflattering conclusions that either (1) my stepmom's family is ignorant of wedding etiquette or (2) he's been deliberately omitted. That's their prerogative, of course. But I would like to think they know me well enough to know that it pisses me off--and that they like me enough that they wouldn't do that if they could avoid it. I don't want to get all shirty if this was a simple mistake or a difficult choice for them.
Of course, there's no easy way to find out. There's no polite, non-confrontational way to say, "Did you mean not to invite my boyfriend?"--especially given that chances are Monshu wouldn't even come if he were invited, since family events just aren't his thing. So I'm stuck having to find some delicate, indirect line of inquiry to avoid provoking the kind of pointless family squabble that weddings always seem to. Bleagh. And I was so looking forward to this one.
But that's what it is and it's left me in a bind. We've known for almost a year that they were planning to get married in California this summer and Monshu and I had started planning a vacation around it. Silly me, I had just assumed he would be invited. I've been with him almost four years and the three of them seemed to get along well during the family vacation last year. But his name wasn't on the envelope.
Strictly speaking, of course, this means he isn't invited. However, plenty of couples use formulations like "and guest" to avoid having to go through the trouble of learning who everyone's s.o.'s are. They didn't. So now I'm left with the equally unflattering conclusions that either (1) my stepmom's family is ignorant of wedding etiquette or (2) he's been deliberately omitted. That's their prerogative, of course. But I would like to think they know me well enough to know that it pisses me off--and that they like me enough that they wouldn't do that if they could avoid it. I don't want to get all shirty if this was a simple mistake or a difficult choice for them.
Of course, there's no easy way to find out. There's no polite, non-confrontational way to say, "Did you mean not to invite my boyfriend?"--especially given that chances are Monshu wouldn't even come if he were invited, since family events just aren't his thing. So I'm stuck having to find some delicate, indirect line of inquiry to avoid provoking the kind of pointless family squabble that weddings always seem to. Bleagh. And I was so looking forward to this one.
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One question though: How was yours addressed? To you and your wife individually? To "Mr & Mrs Bunji"? Only to you?
Re:
sin of omission
(Anonymous) 2003-03-06 01:46 pm (UTC)(link)-e
Re: sin of omission
And it's true, I should read more Miss Manners, if purely for selfish reasons of enjoyment. It's just hard for me to feel like tackling the wedding book when I know I'll never be having one.
Re: sin of omission
Re: sin of omission
(Anonymous) 2003-03-07 07:49 am (UTC)(link)-e