Deflation

[muckefuck]

I couldn't believe how happy I was to be back at work yesterday. I was braced to have to regurgitate the same basic explanation of how I've spent the last couple weeks to everyone and while there was some of that, there was also a lot of chatting and joking and such. People were genuinely thrilled to see me and I was equally excited to be someplace where I felt accepted and assured.

I'm finally ready to say we've moved out of crisis mode and into the realm of routine. As I told Mom, Wednesday morning was the first time since Friday I was asked to do something I didn't feel like doing. Up till then, my feelings didn't matter; what had to be done had to be done and there was no one else to do it but me. I really feel like I have insight what it's like to be a parent now. To quote myself, "'Can't' has an entirely new meaning when the alternatives are 'me or nobody'."

Overall, I'm pretty pleased with the job I've done, but I still really regret losing my cool the three or four times that I did. I must've asked the driver who finally delivered a correct, working setup a dozen times to apologise to someone at the head office for me for yelling at her for referring to monshu as "she". It was the back-breaking straw at the end of one of the most stressful two hours of my life. He understood that and didn't fault me for it, but I know in my heart I could've done better.

Tuesday morning, when I thought that the stress of my confrontation with Witch Hands had caused him to flunk his voiding trial, I told the Old Man that I felt I had let him down. It is all too easy to get caught up in a clash of egos and forget that the foremost goal is to ensure that he is safe, comfortable, and has everything he needs for a full and successful recovery. Now that I'm following up with the hospital to see what they can do to prevent future screwups like the ones we endured, I have to keep that goal in mind: I'm not trying to settle scores with anyone, I'm trying to make sure that if we end up there again, it will be a more positive experience in every aspect.

Comments

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

For what it's worth, everyone who works in the health care industry knows that patients and families, angry at what is happening to them, occasionally will take that frustration out on health care workers. It comes with hte territory. I actually had a father pull a gun on me once. (This was back in the days before heightened security.) I declined to press charges. The guy may have been a jerk, but he was a jerk in deep despair who didn't understand anything we had to do to keep his kid alive.

Dunno about truck drivers though. :-)

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

I worry that it's the truck drivers who would pull a gun on me.

I know that everyone knows this and makes allowances for it, but that doesn't mean I can't demand more of myself than they do.