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Too many men
All week I've been wanting to contribute to the fantastic discussion sparked by the Isla Vista killings, but I've been biting my tongue because if there was ever a time not to open my big XY mouth about something, this is it. Moreover, plenty of other people have addressed the issues better than I ever could. I think there's still some scope for me to point clueless mens to these resources or summarise their content if--as usual--they just can't be bothered to listen to the real authorities in these matters, but that means waiting for opportunities to present themselves rather than trying too hard to create them.
It all should give some added kick to the discussion I'd planned to have with my sister over vacation about teaching consent to boys. It also makes me realise the necessity of widening the conversation to entitlement in general, which seems like the more basic issue at stake. After all, if you didn't feel in some way entitled to access to another person's body, then it shouldn't be hard to take it too heart when they fail to display interest in granting it. There's also a whole constellation of icky Nice Guy behaviour which falls well short of assault to be dealt with. (I cringe to think of some of the stalkerish behaviour I engaged in back when I laboured under the misapprehension that it was "romantic".)
And then there's the complication of the killer's diagnosis of "high-functioning Asperger's" and the willingness of everyone who doesn't want the debate to focus on gun control or misogyny to play up this factor to the expense of all others. That's the same diagnosis two of her children have, and it sickens me to see more stigmatism of mental illness along with calls for tougher involuntary commitment legislation. I can't see those doing much to prevent future massacres, but I can see a lot of scope for them being abused to deprive vulnerable individuals of their freedom.
On the plus side, Nuphy made me aware of a new memoir in which a man with Asperger's documents his struggles to become a better husband by means of "excessive note-taking, performance reviews, and most of all, the journal of best practices". He bought a copy for his grandson, and it sounds like the sort of thing which would benefit not only my niblings but also their crazypants uncle Kramer.
It all should give some added kick to the discussion I'd planned to have with my sister over vacation about teaching consent to boys. It also makes me realise the necessity of widening the conversation to entitlement in general, which seems like the more basic issue at stake. After all, if you didn't feel in some way entitled to access to another person's body, then it shouldn't be hard to take it too heart when they fail to display interest in granting it. There's also a whole constellation of icky Nice Guy behaviour which falls well short of assault to be dealt with. (I cringe to think of some of the stalkerish behaviour I engaged in back when I laboured under the misapprehension that it was "romantic".)
And then there's the complication of the killer's diagnosis of "high-functioning Asperger's" and the willingness of everyone who doesn't want the debate to focus on gun control or misogyny to play up this factor to the expense of all others. That's the same diagnosis two of her children have, and it sickens me to see more stigmatism of mental illness along with calls for tougher involuntary commitment legislation. I can't see those doing much to prevent future massacres, but I can see a lot of scope for them being abused to deprive vulnerable individuals of their freedom.
On the plus side, Nuphy made me aware of a new memoir in which a man with Asperger's documents his struggles to become a better husband by means of "excessive note-taking, performance reviews, and most of all, the journal of best practices". He bought a copy for his grandson, and it sounds like the sort of thing which would benefit not only my niblings but also their crazypants uncle Kramer.
no subject
(Actually, one of the few things I do remember was her example of all the steps she had to learn to go through to decode implications in everyday speech: if some guy said something along the lines of "If I had your phone number I could give you a call," her instinctive response would be, "Yes" -- recognizing that the statement was logical and valid. She had to learn to work out consciously, step by step, that the statement actually implied that the guy would like to have her number, and was therefore an indirect request which she needed to rebuff or accede to, and to formulate a more socially ept response...)