The passing of three of my four grandparents was actually focused on immediate and midterm care of the parent involved for me - in all three instances the international nature of the travel involved was partially an exercise in getting them to realize it was okay to go, its like they needed permission to go make final visits when if possible the parent in question was still alive but clearly the end was near. Supporting your parents when they lose theirs is no small task, ceremony aside - there is a lot of loss to process well past a funeral. I've had to mourn at a distance for decades, mine is a deeply distorted perspective. I hope I am not tripping over myself like a tactless cow while trying to say - trust the relationship you have with your mom - let that guide you through what you think best serves her emotional needs - the rest of the relatives aren't nearly as important - the complications you noted are what they are.
I want to affirm your decision to really be there and present for her after the holidays, the sudden let up in activity will give her no choice but to deal with the loss, especially as she figures out how to refocus her life when so long of it has been focused on elder care.
BTW, I share your shock at your uncle reinforcing a presumed divide between your grandfather and his employees. Family owned businesses - I don't want to over romanticize them but employers and employees see each other through good economic times and bad - they generate loyalties and care that is palpably different from mindless corporations. I don't know how your grandfather interacted with people at the business, but it seems cold to presume watching from the fences was enough a recognition of mutual loyalties and steadfastness.
my condolences on the familial loss and ....
The passing of three of my four grandparents was actually focused on immediate and midterm care of the parent involved for me - in all three instances the international nature of the travel involved was partially an exercise in getting them to realize it was okay to go, its like they needed permission to go make final visits when if possible the parent in question was still alive but clearly the end was near. Supporting your parents when they lose theirs is no small task, ceremony aside - there is a lot of loss to process well past a funeral. I've had to mourn at a distance for decades, mine is a deeply distorted perspective. I hope I am not tripping over myself like a tactless cow while trying to say - trust the relationship you have with your mom - let that guide you through what you think best serves her emotional needs - the rest of the relatives aren't nearly as important - the complications you noted are what they are.
I want to affirm your decision to really be there and present for her after the holidays, the sudden let up in activity will give her no choice but to deal with the loss, especially as she figures out how to refocus her life when so long of it has been focused on elder care.
BTW, I share your shock at your uncle reinforcing a presumed divide between your grandfather and his employees. Family owned businesses - I don't want to over romanticize them but employers and employees see each other through good economic times and bad - they generate loyalties and care that is palpably different from mindless corporations. I don't know how your grandfather interacted with people at the business, but it seems cold to presume watching from the fences was enough a recognition of mutual loyalties and steadfastness.