Family intervention

[muckefuck]

I'm in total agreement with my brother-in-law when it comes to naming children and he insists "You have to have a theme" and his choice of one--begining with vowel letters in alphabetical order--isn't bad. But something must be done to prevent my sister from going with her choice of a name that is:

1. Different from his older brother's name by only one segment (i.e. /ð/)
2. Horribly trendy (ranked 68 in the USA last year compared to 156th most popular when we were born)

At yesterday's barbecue, I pressed my case that since gentle persuasion has failed--Isidore ("Patron saint of the Internet!"), Ignatius Loyola ("He'd get into the Jesuit college of his choice--FOR FREE!"), Immanuel, and Ichabod have all ended up on the trash heap--the time has come for concerted unilateral action: We need to form a consensus on a nickname now and begin employing it exactly as if his parents' choice were a figment of someone's imagination.

My model for a successful nicknaming is my mother's baby brother. When I was an adolescent, I couldn't figure out why all my cousins called him "Butch" when Mom had told me he was named "Vincent". The family story is that he was a very pretty baby. When his older sisters took him out for a ride in the buggy, passers-by were forever asking, "She's so beautiful, what's her name?" Someone (no one can agree who) started replying "Butch" and it stuck--boy, did it stick.

We tossed around dozens of possibilities without coming to any agreement. Here's an incomplete list:

• Slim
• Sly
• Slimer
• Tad(pole)
• Dale [requires renaming older brother "Chip"]
• Ion
• iBaby
• Ivan [from his stepmother by phone]
• Killer

Hmm--they seemed better in a post-prandial caipirinha haze. Do any of them look like they might have legs? Further suggestions?

Comments

[mollpeartree.livejournal.com]

I would be happy to call any baby Ivan, and it can stick into adulthood. Plus since it actually matches the scheme, people might be fooled into thinking it's his real name.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

I think I'll start telling all the relatives the name is "Ivan" in any case. It's close enough that they could easily get mixed up and honestly have no idea they've got the name wrong. Then "Crazy Ivan" and "Ivan the Terrible" become ready-made adolescent monikers.