I don't think I was prepared for how much you have to do that when you're widowed. Literally from the very beginning of the relationship, I began thinking about what it would be like to survive Monshu, thoughts which became increasingly concrete over the years. (He'd beaten cancer once already in 2009.) But so many people I meet are scared even to countenance such a reality. Expressing sympathy gives voice to their fears and I end up more the counselor than the consoled.